My client, Leslie, asked me recently, “When did you ‘just know’ that it was right with your wife? When were you able to tell for sure that she was ‘the one’?”
After a brief pause, I said, in all seriousness:
“Six months after we were married.”
Leslie was stunned.
After all, she comes from a culture that is all about undeniable feelings, Hollywood fantasies, and powerful mythology surrounding the notion of love.
You probably do, too.
Like it or not, dating is ALWAYS an extended audition, with both parties consistently gathering information and assessing their futures, up until they reach the altar.
Right now, I’m going to blow your notion away – not because I feel like killing your dreams, but because your dreams are holding you back from finding true happiness.
Look back on your life.
How many times did you “just know” that a man was “the one?”
How many times did he actually turn out to BE “the one?”
The defense rests, your honor.
So if we can be wildly misguided in our feelings, what do our feelings actually teach us?
Literally every single woman reading this has had a feeling that felt true, but turned out to be false.
Maybe he freaked out after three intense months together.
Maybe he enjoyed your company but never actually saw himself marrying you.
Maybe he turned out to be a liar, drug addict, or serial cheater.
These are things that you couldn’t have known on date one.
The only way you could have learned them was to keep your eyes open and keep open to the possibility that you don’t “just know” anything.
There’s always new information pouring in that should inform your decisions.
And if it comes as a shock when a guy suddenly dumps you, it shouldn’t. Because YOU also reserve the right to change your mind as time goes by.
You don’t fall in love with every guy you meet.
You may determine that he’s financially irresponsible or not a good father figure.